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The story of my life - Allan Chikuhwa
Gays and Lesbians of Zimbabwe (GALZ)
Extracted from Galzette, January 2008

Allan Itayi Chikuhwa is my name. I am an HIV positive gay man in my early thirties. I am also a single parent of 10-year-old twins, a boy and a girl. Professionally I am a fashion designer, a typesetter, a peer educator, and Nurse aid. I did journalism at one point, however I did not finish the course. In short I can say I am a man of many talents.

My story might sound familiar to some, or somewhat strange to others, but that's the story of my life. I hope it will help you take a leading role in the fight against HIV/AIDS.

I discovered about my HIV status a few years ago. It was not easy for me to accept it the very first days because I was bitter. I was mad at my ex boyfriend because after we had broken up, he started sending me messages bragging that although we were no longer together he had injured me for life, because he had infected me with HIV.

At one point I thought he was just being a bitter man, but then I also realised that I had taken so many risks since I had never used protection with this man. This made me think that I needed to go for tests although at that time I was enjoying good health. It took me a lot of courage to visit a New Start Centre for Voluntary Counselling and Testing (VCT). I gathered my strength during a lunch break from work and went for testing. When I got my results I was shivering and at first I didn't want to see them. I then dawned upon me that I had made a big step by visiting the place in the first place so I had to deal with it good or bad news.

Then I got the shock of my life . . . I was HIV positive. That day I did not go back to work. I felt dizzy, angry, dirty, sick, sad and devastated. I was just not myself anymore. I was going mad and I shivered sweated, so much that when I got home, I slept right away. The only feeling that raced down my mind was that of revenge. To hurt my exboyfriend, and make him pay for what he had done, but then I thought it was not going to help or change anything. I had HIV and I was going to die period.

The following day I went to work and the first person I had to tell was my boss. I confided in him because we were very close. He understood my situation and offered moral support. I still felt that something just wasn't right, stress took control of my life, and this forced me to resign from work.

I needed some time to deal with my status, my sexual orientation and myself. It took me time to accept my status, let alone tell my family about it. As if that were not enough I had to tell them that I was gay because they needed answers to their load of questions. This was double tragedy for them.

It took my family long to accept me, to them I was a stranger and not the son they thought they knew. This was a difficult time for me, I felt lonely and isolated I went for counselling and joined the GALZ Positive Support Group.

This helped me put my life back on track; I told myself that I was not going to loose focus. HIV was not going to stop me from achieving my goals or looking after my children. Through group discussions and sharing experiences I learnt a lot about nutrition, sexual behavior and treatment issues. Now I am living positively in every aspect of the word. My family realised that I was not giving up on myself then they started accepting me gradually, but now we are a happy family once again. I have a partner who knows my status, I engage in safe sex all the time and I avoid taking too much alcohol at all costs.

Today I can safely say I am proud to be gay. I warn HIV that 'this is my body and it will not take charge'. I eat healthy foods and exercise. I am grateful for the support I get from the GALZ Positive group to which I am the Secretary.

This new year, I pray you all play it safe and use protection. If possible don't take too much alcohol as it often affects your judgment. Remember to have clean fun, you only live once. Happy 2008!

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