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Couple HIV testing: Opening a Pandora's box
Garikai Muchemwa
August 02, 2010

The mere mention of taking HIV tests as a couple provokes a lot of anxiety in most people particularly those who are planning to get married. The fear can either be in one partner or in both arising probably due to past sexual encounters deemed too dangerous to be shared with the current partner. This kind of mindset has led a number of people getting into the institution of marriage or worse still engage in sexual intercourse ignorant of their partners- HIV status. While going for an HIV test as a couple whether married or in long term relationships makes most people uncomfortable, I feel that it is the best way to go in this period of the HIV pandemic. I have lost many relatives and friends who either married or got married to people they did not even bother to know their HIV status. What is more painful is the fact that of these relatives more females than males have fallen victims as a result of the patriarchal values infused in many societies where women and girls are taught to be submissive when it comes to sex.

Women and girls are socialized in a way that they can not initiate or start a discussion around going for an HIV test freely with their male partners. This type of indoctrination which starts at very early ages makes it possible for most females to have sex with their husbands or boy friends without asking to go for HIV tests. It is until recently that there is a generation of women that is emerging that is taking a paradigm shift from the traditional approach of handling their male counterparts. However a lot more women are yet to join this band wagon of 'modern- women so that they are empowered to freely discuss sexual matters that affect them with their partners.

I am not advocating for people to terminate their relationships should they find out that their partners are HIV positive. However there are more advantages of knowing a sexual partner's HIV status before engaging in sexual encounters as one would be able to make an informed decision. If for instance the HIV tests confirm that the couple is discordant yet they want to continue with their relationship they will have to know about the importance of using condoms correctly and consistently so as to avoid infection of a negative partner. There are so many people who have found out that their sexual partners are HIV positive yet have gone further to marry them which is a personal choice anyway. In most cases however most people have decided to terminate relationships immediately when they discover that the partner is HIV positive. Thus this fear of having a relationship terminated premised on the fact that one is HIV positive has made most people inconsiderate to the extent of refusing to go for HIV tests together with their partners even if they suspect that they may be HIV positive.

I have a personal conviction though that it is more human to get into sexual encounters with someone only if you both go for HIV tests. It is only through this way that people can avoid spreading HIV whether ignorantly or deliberately. I have known in the past people who have been decent and worse still abstained from sexual activities before marriage yet got infected a few years or even days after marriage and later died of AIDS-related ailments. These deaths could have been easily avoided only if such people had gathered courage to negotiate with their partners to have HIV tests before having sexual intercourse. Imagine how painful it is that either your brother or sister or even uncle died of AIDS because some guy who thought was being smart decided not to inform them that he/she was positive.

The common phrase in most relationships these days is, "I LOVE YOU". However I have a strong feeling that in some cases all that is hypocrisy since if a person loves their partner they can go all the way to protect them. Most people decide to keep their HIV status a secret to their partners until they get into marriage or until they finally engage in sexual intercourse by which time it will be too late to prevent the spread of HIV. Worse still other people have even gone to the extent of taking Anti-retroviral treatment (ARVs) privately without the knowledge of their partners which is very dangerous. If a person has real conscience s/he does not engage in sexual intercourse without indicating to their sexual partner that they are HIV positive or engaged in risky sexual practices before. Failure to disclose such crucial information is akin to daylight murder. Maybe just for interest-s sake, how would one feel if for instance they get married or marry someone without telling them that they are positive or engaged in risky sexual practices before, then a year or so down the line the partner starts to exhibit symptoms of HIV and probably die at some later stage. That really can haunt a person with conscience for the rest of their life as they will not be different from a murderer. Furthermore you can imagine the enmity that one would have created with their in-laws as they will definitely view that person to be a murderer.

In this whole process of trying to encourage people to go for HIV tests before marriage parents have a pivotal role to play. However most parents probably out of greedy, selfishness or even mere ignorance when introduced to would be sons or daughters in laws don-t have time to ask whether the two were tested for HIV together before. The parents see it as none of their business to poke their noses in such affairs. However although controversial I think that for parents out there, it is the greater part of their business at least not to even accept the bride price until when the two have gone together for some HIV tests. I however feel that what comes out of the results will of course be up to the two to decide whether to continue with the marriage plans or to terminate the relationship depending on circumstances. I am not saying that this is the panacea to the spread of HIV but I feel that at least if parents set the pace most probably those intending to get married will in the long run voluntarily go for HIV tests which will be of course for the good of the nation.

Having said all the above I want to challenge the readers to consider going for voluntary HIV testing as couples. These people can either be thinking of getting married, in a marriage or in long term relationships. It is just human to do unto others what you would like them to do unto you.

*Garikai Muchemwa is a Development Practitioner who works for a local NGO in Zimbabwe that implements HIV & AIDS Programmes. He has extensive experience in HIV & AIDS programmes. Views in this article are purely personal and do not in any way reflect those of his employer. The writer can be contacted at the following email address: programmeofficer@yahoo.com

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