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Munhumutapa building ghost - 'show me the way to the state toilet-
Capulet B. Chakupeta
March 26, 2010

http://www.zimtelegraph.com/?p=6646

My friend from the Caribbean telephoned me upon hearing of the miraculous survival of Mr Finance Minister after the road accident beginning of last week. The lady was in frenzy for she wanted to know what had happened. My goodness! I was ignorant of the facts of the accident since I was not with Mr Finance Minister when the accident happened neither do I trail guys coming from Chegutu.

I thought of reconstructing events of that very evening, beginning in Chegutu until I met the ghost of the Reserved Governor General. The Caribbean woman who sent me on this mission to Chegutu wants to know if it really is Mr Finance Minister who is alive or we people are gaffing with a ghost. Ghost? Good gracious me!

Well, a ghost has been defined as an invisible object usually 'seen- at night. Mr Spirited Finance Minister might have seen one at night in his travel and crushed. Let we take a journey together dear reader in this column. If you are sober, it might be a little difficult to follow, unless you are filled with some spirit of some sort. If you had a few tots of any hard liquor, mind your reading speed.

In Chegutu, one middle aged woman known to have more leaks than an old toilet, a good friend of Mr Finance Minister, refused to give info. So I walked myself to one quiet drinking place to quench my thirst. There was a man in the bar by himself drinking shot after shot of whisky and I asked him. "What-s happening buddy? Why you look so down and sit down here by yourself as if you want to empty the bar?" He thought I was a ghost and vanished from sight immediately. Now we know the cause of the accident, more alcohol in his blood or being haunted by some spirits from the bottle.

I have known that spirits come in different bottles. It-s obvious for I have had my own share with 15-year old Eldorado and 5-year old Demarara Rum. More than once upon a time, I would spirit away ghostly liquors with almost spiritual dexterity! Sometimes when one is in high spirits, or high in spirits, these things happen.

So what did they say at the hospital? Or what did he say to the hospital practitioners that led them to discharge him so promptly? Did they say he had lots of alcohol in his blood or more blood in his alcohol or simply that he was spirited? If not that, then it-s the Reserved Governor whose property is being auctioned, whose ghost troubled the traveling Minister.

In most drinking bars, people want to know if it-s real that Mr Finance Minister skipped one of Uncle Raw-Butt-s attempts on dissenting life. My Caribbean woman friend is very skeptical of Uncle Raw-Butt making a move and failing. That rarely happens. She even had the audacity of reminding me of Border Gezi, Peter Pamire, Moven Mahachi, Chris Ushewokunze, Sydney Malunga, and the list goes on and one, until it sadly comes to Mai Tsvangirai last year. Now I realize that the lady has a point. Is it Mr Finance Minister walking there or it-s a ghost? I might sound cynical, but ghosts are real.

In one of my quiet nights last year running towards Christmas, there was a strange fragrance in my room, and there standing on my bed side was Mdala Wethu Nyongolo. We conversed for he wanted me to knock sense into Raw-Butt-s butt. VP Simon Mzee joined in later. This is real and true. Simone disappeared before my very own eyes before I could even say "Hola" and "Buenos dias".

Ghosts are real and some are not as lucky. One went to Chitungwiza Councilors- bar and ordered a shot of 'Teachers-. "Sorry, we don-t serve spirits here", says Mr Bartender and the ghost left in a hurry. That makes me wonder whether Mr Finance Minister was not served a spirit in a bottle in Chegutu, courtesy of the Reserved Governor General or he diluted kachasu with Golden Goose.

What would possess someone to put a ghost in a bottle? Maybe it-s the ongoing auction of the RBZ property that led the Reserved Governor General to revenge! Someone recently said ghosts were put up for sale by ABC Auctions in both Harare and Bulawayo last week. The Reserved Governor General, on suspecting that there were ghosts haunting the RBZ, attempted to measure the intensity of their attack. However, he failed in his attempt to get them to lie down flat because he couldn-t find an adequate spirit level.

There have been several questions about the entire episode of Mr Finance Minister-s accident and the Your Governor-s reaction. He was quick to rule out any foul play, sidestepping spirited police investigations. Apparently, Your Governor thinks there might be a need to dip some of these dissenting ministerial ghosts in holy water. Mr. Finance Minister-s miraculous death escape is attributed to his last visit to one Catholic priest and the holy water given him. But a few people have construed that given what some Catholic priests have been up to, 'holy water might not be so holy-. After all that the spirited chaste men have been up that-s shaking even the corridors of the Vatican now; the spirit in the holy water has been weakened.

Despite all the fear they cause, ghosts also have their uses. A vociferous contester to the Raw-Butt campaign was visiting Munhumutapa Building in the middle of the night when he met a short frail old aged ghost. The ghost said, "I have been walking these corridors since 1980". The visitor said, "In that case, you can show me the way to the state toilet?" The ghost laughed curtly and said, "How can you dream of occupying this space, Honourable Save if you don-t even know the way to the toilet?

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