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It-s finally happening!
Fungai Machirori
March 16, 2009

"It-s finally happening," the small voice in the pit of my belly whispered, eerily, into my ear.

I first heard it speak to me the week one of my good friends told me that she had met a man who said he wanted to marry her. I instantly burst into uncontrollable laughter because - with all due respect to my friend - she is hardly marriage material. Like myself, she is not quite the most domesticated sort of young woman and prefers to roll out of bed in the late hours of weekend mornings and then distract herself from all household chores by watching re-runs of soaps or heading off to town to get away from it all. These actions have gotten her into trouble with her parents on several occasions, but still she declares that she-s far too lazy to give a care.

And so for me to imagine her being someone-s wife, waking up early to prepare her husband-s breakfast, doing double the amount of laundry she does now ( with a great deal of reluctance, at that) or picking out ties to match her husband-s suits ( he sounds like the type who would like that), is nigh on impossible. Yet somehow, this man sees the potential in my friend to love and nurture him for the rest of his life. And somehow my fun-loving, carefree friend can see herself fitting into this role.

"But I can actually see myself as his wife," she stated with a tone that sounded genuine and willing to give it a try. That was when I stopped laughing and teasing her, realising that she had found someone she loved deeply enough to consider spending the rest of her life with. And that was also precisely the first time I heard that voice rise through me, adding its tone to the chorus of noises making their cacophonous music through me.

It is finally happening.

My friends, even the rowdy and party-hardened ones, are starting to settle down to sedate lives as wives and mothers. In December, I attended two of my university classmates- weddings and I missed a third one because I couldn-t travel to attend it. And to add to the matrimonial mood, I spotted a girl I went to primary school with on the cover of a bridal magazine, standing lovingly next to her new husband!

And watching my classmates cascade down the aisle in beautiful white gowns, looking like princesses out of fairytales, got that voice going again.

"It-s finally happening," it said softly. "Everyone-s getting married, or getting serious, and you are getting left behind."

"Good grief, but I-m still only twenty-four," I tried to reason with it. "Surely, I still have time to find Mr. Right!"

I have been thinking about it and wondering if I should really start to heed that voice-s not-so-subtle innuendo. Should I start thinking about building a home and having little fat babies to cuddle and love?

Well, the game plan for my life has never included being a young bride, or mother. The idea is to travel, experience as many of life-s adventures as possible, write a novel, then think about settling down. At that point, the candidate for 'life partner- will have already revealed himself to me and all that will remain to do is to draft wedding invitations and choose colour schemes, bridesmaids and groomsmen for the occasion.

But what if the said ideal life partner doesn-t show up in time for my carefully thought out plan to unfold without any delays? What if I get late into my twenties, or even into my thirties, still single?

Personally, I think I could handle it. But it-s the back chat of well-meaning relatives, perplexed workmates and blissfully happily married friends that might start to make me feel uneasy and stir that sadistic voice within myself to belt out boldly, and loud enough for every organ and nerve and blood vessel within me to hear,

"It has finally happened! You have ended up all alone, except for us!"

Not that thirty is the cut-off point for marriage and any other major life changes. But where I live, saying "I-m twenty-five and single," is made to sound like a string of dirty words put together to make an unspeakable expletive. A workmate has suggested that I pray against the evil spirits that are currently standing in the way of my finding lasting love. Another keeps reminding me that after I turn twenty-five, my time with the boys will be over and they will all be looking through me and over my shoulder for a younger woman.

Needless to say, I feel very much under pressure.

But at the same time, I hold fast to my belief that I must first ensure that I discover everything that constitutes me as a whole being before I can ever be a good partner for anyone. And for me, that means dedicating at least a couple more years, perhaps even three, to pursuing all my dreams. The last thing I want to do is to harbour resentment towards someone for having stood in the way of my realising my full potential.

But I also want to retain a sense of flexibility. I want, if the absolute perfect candidate comes along sooner, to be able to bend my rules a bit and accommodate him in my life. If it means marriage earlier than previously expected, then so be it - just as long as this man understands that my dreams won-t die with the words, "I do." I will still want to travel and write my novel and know myself fully, and that will mean that I will still demand my individual identity and space.

At the same time, I want to retain flexibility by being willing to accept that if at 27 or 32, Mr. Right hasn-t waltzed into my life with a red rose between his teeth and luscious love songs playing in the background (I wish!), it-s okay. Easier said than done, but should this be the case with me, I want to be able to stand up for myself knowing that my time will come yet.

Marriage and lifelong partnerships have to be taken very seriously. These aren-t bonds that should be as easy to break as glass. They should be cast in stone and sincere love. And so there-s really no point in running with the crowd to get your fill if your own suitable and compatible partner hasn-t come along.

I value my time alone. I really do. I love being able to make unilateral decisions and pursue my heart and mind-s deepest desires. For now, I am really happy to attend other people-s weddings and watch their bellies bloom with new life. I feel blessed to be able to watch my friends- metamorphoses from self-doubting girls to self-assured women.

So next time that voice speaks to me again, I-ll give it the response it needs in order to silence it.

"It-s finally happening," I-ll say, echoing its own words. "I am changing and becoming the woman I want to be."

I may not have a gold band or golden boy to show for it, but I, like many of my friends, am transforming and trading the doubts and insecurities of my girlhood for the resilience and wisdom of a great woman in the making.

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