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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Alex Magaisa
April 18, 2008

Morgan Tsvangirai: Because it wanted a taste of life on the other side of the road. It was exercising its right.

Patrick Chinamasa: No. The chicken did not cross the road. In fact we need to verify whether in fact it was a chicken. As far as we know, the chicken is still there. It could have been an eagle. We have to wait until verification is done.

Didymus Mutasa: I do not think it crossed the road. If it crossed the road it-s because the white farmer dragged it. But we cannot allow that to happen. It will have to come back.

Joseph Chinotimba: The kichen, no, chicken is a sell-out against the revolution. The 'O- vets will have to eat it!

Robert Mugabe: The chicken will never be allowed to cross the road. Not in my life time! Let those that run away to Bush and Brown do so. Not my chicken! My chicken will never cross the road. It will never be colonised again!

Thabo Mbeki: Er ... uhm . . . I don-t see any chicken at the moment . . . Er . . . I think it is right for us to wait and see. Let things take the natural course. If if it did cross the road we will be told officially. If it wants to cross the road we will see it when it crosses. There is nothing to talk about at the moment . . . Er . . . I don-t see any problem right now.

Tendai Biti: We have irrefutable evidence from those who were at the road that the chicken has, indeed, without any shadow of doubt, crossed the road. I hereby declare that Chicken Huku Inkuku is now the legitimate resident of the other side of the road.

Bright Matonga: At the moment we know that it has not crossed the road, despite imperialist efforts to push it. We know they will try again and are now preparing to unleash the remaining 75% of our effort so that it can never be pushed again next time.

Nathaniel Manheru a.k.a. George Charamba: How can, a chicken, itself a hapless bird, be expected to cross the road unless it is pushed deviously and surreptitiously by the hand of the vicious and uncouth imperialists? The only chicken that can cross that road is a stooge, a puppet, an instrument of the West that will be rocket-propelled by the loud fart of Brown and Bush . . . Icho!

Levy Mwanawasa: It knew the ground on that side was sinking like the Titanic. It had to cross.

General Chiwenga: It can-t.

Commissioner-General Chihuri: It can-t cross the road.

Gordon Brown: It was running away from Mugabe.

Jacob Zuma: I think it is important that we be told whether or not the chicken actually crossed road. That should be very easy to do.

Jonathan Moyo: Of course, the chicken crossed the road because it could not stand the nonsense on the other side. But the shameless securocrats will do everything in their power to prevent everyone from knowing that it, indeed, and unequivocally crossed the road.

Judge of the High Court: Whether or not it crossed the road is a matter for the officials to declare at their own time. They have the power to order a re-check and verification as to whether it crossed the road before they can make the declaration.

Zimbabwe Electoral Commission: We are not in a position to say whether or not the chicken crossed the road. There are some people who have complained that it probably wasn-t a chicken at all and others saying it was being pushed or dragged against its will. We are currently considering whether to do a re-check before we can officially declare if the chicken crossed the road. We will take as long as we want to be fully certain that it was a chicken that crossed the road.

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