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For the health of women, for the health of the world: NO MORE VIOLENCE
Isheunesu Moyo
December 08, 2005

As I was shopping for a little present for my fiancée’s birthday, the lady in the gift shop, as a way of beginning dialogue and offering assistance asked if I was buying a present for my wife. Intending not to lengthen the small talk, I said yes to the seemingly too inquisitive lady.

She said are you sure you did not thump your wife and are trying to bribe your way back into her heart. I fervently denied participation in this cutthroat culture.

Quite a significant number of men are fascinated by the weird behaviour cycle in which one moment they are caring and tender loving husbands and the next moment they swing to near manslaughters, thus if they do not commit partner murder, she said with a know it all attitude.

What surprises me is that some of the men literally breakdown into weeping after committing the ogre activity claiming not to know what had overcome them, she added on

A trend soon develops and children can literally predict violence looming in the house as violent behavior brews on intervals.

In some instances women end up dreading their husbands and are ensnared in the once a love relationship turned into a kugarira vana vangu kind of a thing. In circumstances of violence and fear, insisting on condom use or refusing unwanted sex becomes very difficult thereby leaving a woman vulnerable.

Violence interacts with the HIV epidemic to the disadvantage of women as one can be affected with HIV through forced sex which results in the tearing of tissues thereby providing an open door to the virus. Violence limits women’s ability to protect selves against infection. It also compromises access to a range of critical health information and services, including testing and treatment.

Sexual abuse in childhood is associated with risk taking behaviour later in life, increasing risk of contracting HIV.

Before I noticed it, this lecture had turned into quite an interesting discussion. Maybe she was not proud after all.

At that moment I vowed that till death does us part I will not be weak minded to the extent of manhandling my lady when I am supposed to be her protection.

I cited to her an incident I had witnessed of one gentleman, almost in tears, under the influence of alcohol though, baring his heart about his wife’s conduct; you know how people are when they are tipsy; they get liberated and move closer to nature.

A guy who happened to be in the company but in a drunken stupor slouching and hang down on the couch suddenly sat up right, with difficulty and mincing his words said "unodererwa nemukadzi" (meaning how on earth can a real man be taken for granted to such appalling levels by a woman.) He laughed as he fell back into snoring and slumber.

Surprising was the roar of laughter that followed this contribution retrieved from the drunk pal’s subconscious mind and traditions. The laugh was either saying precisely so or was a macho denial of people trying to appear as though, all was going on well for them.

This was obviously a wrong platform to receive suitable counseling and rehabilitation One is almost guaranteed to go home believing that the only language women understand is violence, no wonder why some men comeback from a drinking spree to beat their wives for trivial issues like my supper is cold, imagine, at four in the morning.

A friend of mine who is a lady once told me that such men deserve to have their food spiced with excretion, whether human, dog or cat does not matter. What matters are that it smashed woman’s soul would be soothed and a smile would be brought to her smirked face!

I am by no means advocating for counter violence, but perpetrators of domestic violence in some instances do partake of this recipe. I heard this from a lady, it is not my creation. Maybe she only wanted to scare me, but I do not doubt the possibility of that happening.

She said when you lace the food; you strive to look the most unsuspicious, wear a smile on your face and a grin in your heart. All I can say is is careful how you treat your ladies lest you just start to put on weight in a way we all cannot explain.

It is therefore better that one seeks professional counseling that empowers you to conduct self counseling, have self control and avert a build up. I know counseling appears not to be a man thing but it is necessary lest you enrolled in the ensemble.

A man is traditionally and biblically a provider for a woman. It is therefore sweet and beautiful when you shower a lady with presents, be it a cell phone, a car or a house. It is however unfortunate that these investments unlike other forms of business ventures does not result in ownership of an individual. No one owns or controls another being even if one pays bride price using a herd of elephants instead for cattle. If you however insist that this is an investment, there is therefore need to appreciate that with an investment you either have good or bad returns.

At times a man feels endangered when a woman begins to gain independence and is drifting towards equality. It starts with her simply passing an exam, and is followed by promotion then a salary increment. As one thing leads to another she starts becoming a property owner, depending less and less on you. Before you know it, you need her more than she needs you.

Sooner rather than later, vivid images of your woman sleeping with all sorts of men inevitably visits your mind. Some are from the examination board others from real estates, cars sales and bosses from work. The images are unfortunately so vivid and loud that they seem real and you cannot avoid them.

The issue of domestic violence is not necessarily about males and females but more to do with the patriarchal side of the family violating the rights of the matriarchal. Mother in law does to her daughter in law exactly what she complains about regarding her sisters in law. This becomes a seemingly unending violence chain.

Violence against women is without doubt traumatic to the body, mind and spirit deterring women from fully participating in activities at home and in the world. It also has detrimental consequences on children particularly during the critical years of their cognitive development.

We are tired of putting up fronts and pretending that this perverse human right violation is not happening.

Men, as we enter 2006, we are not only making a promise to stop AIDS but are guaranteeing the world to be gentlemen committed to combating violence against girls and women. Yes, in as much as some women appear difficult, this can be done, for the health of women: physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, at home, at school, at work, at worship, in the communities and in the nations.

As we commemorate 16 days of activism to end gender violence, I honour of all the sisters who have passed on due to AIDS.

To everyone living with HIV, positive living is the way, HIV does not kill

For the health of the world: its people, its cultures, its environments, in protecting human rights, in fostering sustainable development and creating peace: No more violence.

*Isheunesu Moyo writes from Harare. He can be contacted at ishemoyo@gmail.com

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