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Humorous Zimbabweans find way to deal with election anxieties
Rhoda Mashavave, ZimbabweJournalists.com
April 02, 2008

http://www.zimbabwejournalists.com/story.php?art_id=3839&cat=3

"Please tell Robert Mugabe to leave the keys under the doormate or under the bin outside the main gate as he leaves the State House to pave way for Morgan Tsvangirai," read one text message doing the rounds as people in Zimbabwe find ways to deal with the long wait for the presidential election results.

In another one, the text reads; "We would like to apologise for the late release of results, this was due to the rigging process which was more difficult than we anticipated"

Zimbabweans have always been known for their humour in the way they deal with their anxities, hopes and wishes especially as the country has been grappling with a terrible economy and political crisis.

As Zimbabweans continue to wait patiently for the final election results text messages (sms) have been used as a means to communicate their anger, frustration and happiness.

For the past three days I have followed the election drama taking place in my home country with much interest than before. Most Zimbabweans want Robert Gabriel Mugabe to vacate the presidential seat but will he ever do that?

He will give what it takes to keep on controlling Zimbabwe even it is on the verge of "sinking". In his pre-elections campaigns Mugabe was quoted in the media saying, "Tsvangirai will never, never rule this country, Those who want to vote for him can do so but those votes will be wasted votes.''

Raising concerns that the elections are likely to be rigged after declaring that the opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai would never rule Zimbabwe. Moreover elections results have been trickling out slowly since Sunday, raising serious concerns on vote rigging.

On Saturday night I started receiving text messages from friends and relatives in Zimbabwe saying mockingingly telling Mugabe to concede defeat and leave office.

Another text read: "Tell Mugabe to leave the State house keys at the gate or at corner 7th and Samora Machel before he flies out of the country. Please tell him not to take the curtains like Sekesayi Makwavarara" - in apparent reference to a political turncoat, who left the MDC to join Zanu PF and then took all the curtains with her when she was asked to leave the mayoral villa.

In another one, a man dies and goes to hell, he asks Satan to make a call, Satan said to ring England its £8, America US$10. Man replies, what about Zimbabwe, Satan answers, 50 cents. Why is it so cheap, the man asks, because it's a local call!

Another one; Do you know someone with a pick-up truck. I have found someone who can pay using US dollars for everything, including fuel to take Mugabe's belongings to his rural home in Zvimba.

In another text doing the rounds; Bob 23 verse 1-5 as invented by Zimbabweans read: "Mugabe is not my shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me to lie down on the park benches. He leads me to be a thief, a prostitute, a liar and an asylum seeker.

"He restores my faith in the MDC. He guides me in the path of unemployment. Though I walk through the valley of Zimbabwe, I shall still be hungry for I feel my income is peanuts. My expenses run over my salary. Surely poverty and hard-living shall follow me forever and ever. Amen."

In another one, the Zimbabweans text each other; History tends to repeat itself but differently. Mugabe was 56 years old when he got into office in 1980, this year Morgan Tsvangirai is 56 years old and it is his turn.

And in another hilarious one, the Zimbabweans mock each other; "Don't talk to me anymore or even tell you friends that you know me. You have really let me down my friend. I dreamt that you actually voted for Zanu PF!!!!!!!"

And Mugabe talking to his wife, Grace; "If I lose elections against Morgan what will you do?"

Grace replies: "Isn't it that Zimbabweans were voting for a president. If you lose you can go and I can stay here with him!"

And in headlines they have been inventing in their usual humourous way, the Zimbabweans continue:

1. Makoni admits he was sent by Mugabe
2. Chihuri escapes to South Africa
3. War veteran leader Joseph Chinotimba is now polishing shoes in Mozambique to make a living
4. First Lady Susan Tsvangirai visits Murambatsvina victims

The texts continue to come and some get modified as the results continue to trickle in.

Already Zimbabweans are celebrating the partial results which had been released by the Movement of Democratic Change (MDC). I called my several former colleagues in Zimbabwe for the results, most were still struggling to get the "real" results.

Because there is nothing more embarrassing than to write false results or stories. Many told me to wait for the "real" results to be announced. Within a few minutes I got another text message which was addressed to Mugabe saying, " I arrived safely in heaven. Please tell Mugabe to switch on his phone the devil wants to speak to him concerning his death sentence on the 29th of March, from Saddam Hussein." - this was a text from the grave purportedly sent by Saddam Hussein the former and late president of Iraq who was executed on 30 December 2006.

I could not to ignore the text messages which continued to fly on my mobile.

Zimbabweans still have great of humour though they are hopeless about the future of their country.

Its so sad that the glimmer of hope for a better future for many struggling Zimbabweans seems to be near but very far away especially with the way the elections results are being released.

"Our president who art in the Harvest house. How Tsvangson be thy name. Thy state house come. Thy will be done in parliament as it is done in Harvest house. Give us real money and not bearer cheques. Lead us to State house and deliver us from Zhing Zhong colonialism. Rule forever and ever MDC," read another hilarious text message.

This reveals how most Zimbabweans are hoping for change of government but I am not sure if that is going to be an easy victory for the opposition. Chinese products have besieged shops in Zimbabwe, they are selling cheap and not durable goods which have been described as "zhing zhong".

Inflation is running over 100 000 and the world's highest. Whoever wins the presidential elections will have to work hard to turn around the economy.

Short message services (SMS) will continue to be used by many Zimbabweans as they wait for presidential results from the historic election held on 29 March 2008.

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