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Election day
Christopher
Mlalazi
February 01, 2010
I have just
returned from the Harare International Festival of the Arts (HIFA)
workshops on writing and directing for theatre, where I developed
one of my plays titled Election Day, which will be premiered at
HIFA 2010 (April), under the HIFA-Direct project. The play is going
to be directed by Eunice Tava, a seasoned actress and director.
The cast is still yet to be selected, but that is Eunice's
baby. The play Election Day is an adaptation of one of my short
stories which was first published in the 2004 Edinburgh Review,
and then was later published in my short story collection Dancing
with Life: Tales from the Township, which won the 2009 NAMA Award
for Best First Published Creative Work, and was also given the Honourable
Mention in the 2009 NOMA Award for Book Publishing in Africa. Please
find below a teaser from the play, and if you can, please come to
HIFA 2010 to watch it. We are also looking for opportunity to show
the play around the world after HIFA, and if you think you can link
us, please be welcome
Scene
1
Enter the Director
Of Vote Counting, Juda. He is dressed in a suit and is entering
a toilet. He is also holding a clipboard with papers on it. He goes
to the urinary, and pees with his back to the audience. As he is
peeing, enter Twenty walking stealthily and casting looks over his
shoulder. He is also dressed in suit and tie. He comes to a stop
beside Juda. Twenty is not peeing but is standing facing the audience.
Twenty:
How goes it now?
Juda:
It is even worse now Twenty.
Juda stops peeing,
closes his zip and turns around to face Twenty. He quickly writes
on a piece of paper and hands the paper to Twenty. Twenty quickly
looks at the paper.
Twenty:
O God no!
Juda:
And don't say you got that from me, this is highly confidential
information.
Twenty:
I won't Juda, and thanks.
Twenty takes
some money from his pocket and hands it to Juda. Juda quickly takes
the money and puts it into his pocket.
Juda:
The paper too, if it falls into the wrong hands I might get into
serious trouble.
Twenty:
Of course Juda. Of course.
Twenty hands
the paper back, Juda salutes Twenty, then both men exit in different
directions. Twenty's walk is dejected.
Scene
2
A stage with
two sofas and a side table with a telephone on it. Enter His Excellency,
Poka Oka Ndiseng. An elderly man in his sixties, he is dressed in
a jogger short, old fashioned vest, and carries a golf club. He
heads for the telephone, takes it and quickly dials.
Ndiseng: ( Into the telephone)
Twenty? Can I please see you, thank you.
Enter Twenty, still in suit and tie. He is Ndiseng's personal
advisor. He bows before Ndiseng.
Twenty: Your Excellency.
Ndiseng: (Pointing at one of the sofa's)
You may sit.
Twenty sits down on the sofa, but on the edge. His right foot is
beating a rapid tattoo on the floor. Ndiseng looks at this foot.
Ndiseng: Relax, Twenty.
Twenty's foot stops tapping, and he wipes his forehead with
a hanky.
Twenty: Mmh!
Ndiseng: Just relax, Twenty. And why do you look
as if somebody has just walked over your grave? Just look at you!
Twenty: Your Excellency. Things are very bad outside,
Ndiseng: (Points a warning finger at Twenty) Eh!
Eh! Eh! What am I always telling you Twenty?
Twenty: But this is the truth your Excellency!
Ndiseng: Please don't exaggerate.
Twenty: I am not exaggerating!
Ndiseng: Do you know your problem my dear comrade?
You panic very easily Twenty, just like a cowardly dog. (Ndiseng
mimes action of a dog barking) WOOF! WOOF! WOOF behind a fence,
and if you pretend to pick up a stone it flees away with its tail
tucked between its legs. I don't need women around me Twenty.
I need men with balls of steel.
Twenty: I am not panicking your Excellency, Comrade
Ndiseng.
Twenty wipes his forehead with his hanky again.
Ndiseng: Then why are you are sweating like that?
Or maybe you have forgotten yourself and you think state house is
a bush in the rural areas and you are squatting behind it defecating?
Twenty: The ballot counting is almost finished
your Excellency, there are only five ballot boxes left uncounted,
and the opposition is leading us by a very wide margin.
Ndiseng: Is that so? Of course I didn't know
that. And thanks for the information. If you are telling the truth,
then we must clap hands for them.
(He leans the
golf club against the sofa and claps his hands, a wide grin on his
face)
Ndiseng:
They really are trying aren't they? Bravo!
(He claps his
hands again.)
Ndiseng:
And by how many voters are they leading us now, Twenty?
Twenty: Three million votes so far your Excellency,
and the remaining five ballot boxes only contain one million. We
have lost. Everything is crashing down on us!
Ndiseng: (Bursts out laughing) Ha! Ha! Ha!
(Still laughing,
he points a finger at Twenty)
Ndiseng:
And you are now shitting in your underwear!
(Makes noise
of farting)
Ndiseng:
Bhu!
(He laughs
again, then smiles)
Ndiseng:
Stop being paranoid my dear personal advisor.
(His voice
hardens)
Ndiseng:
And to use your own words - it is you who will crash out of
my elite team if you do not show strength. Anyway, why should you
be frightened of the election results if I may ask? After all, it
is not you who is losing, but me, Cyclone Ndiseng, to use my favourite
guerrilla name.
(pause)
Ndiseng:
Or is it because you see your meal ticket vanishing should that
happen?
Twenty: It is not like that your Excellency -!
Ndiseng: Let me tell you something for nothing
Twenty. This is not a children's game we are playing here.
This is not dance around together in a sally weather tissue tissue
we all fall down. (He swings his hands in mime of a children's
dance as he says this) It is a game of heroes. Men who are larger
than life. Now, tell me my terrified friend, did you read comic
books when you were growing up?
Twenty: (Perking up)Yes I read them your Excellency.
Kid Colt, Spiderman, Superman, Tin Tin -
Ndiseng waves his hand at Twenty in dismissal
Ndiseng: No, not that crap. There is another one
that you have left out. My favourite.
Twenty: You mean Wonder Woman?
Ndiseng: No, not that lesbian. (He suddenly flexes
his muscles, his face twists in effort) The Incredible Hulk! You!
Twenty: (Smiling) The Incredible Hulk! I love that
one! He is my hero!
Ndiseng: I am the new Incredible Hulk of this continent
Twenty. (He whispers to Twenty, his face screwed up in excitement,
and his fists bunched) And do you know why?
Twenty: (Shaking his head and whispering also)
Why, your Excellency?
Ndiseng: Because I am going to be the first president
of the United States Of Africa of course! And that day is around
the corner. Just mark my words.
He suddenly flexes his muscles, and roars like Hulk.
Ndiseng: The Incredible Hulk!
He roars like Hulk again, grabs Twenty and trips him to the ground.
Twenty rises up, exhibiting signs of fear. Ndiseng roars, grabs
Twenty and trips him to the ground again. Twenty lies on the ground,
and Ndiseng struts around the stage roaring like The Incredible
Hulk, and flexing his arm muscles. He goes back to Twenty, who still
lies on the ground. Twenty cringes back in fear.
Ndiseng: (Offering Twenty his hand and laughing)
Get up Comrade Minister! Get up! Woooo! You look so undignified
lying on the floor like that.
Twenty: I am scared of Hulk, your Excellency. He
is so powerful!
Twenty takes the offered hand and rises to his feet. He brushes
himself down, then sits down on the sofa again..
Ndiseng: That is the lesson Twenty. Never worry,
nobody can defeat the Incredible Poka Oka Ndiseng, blood descendant
of the great King Oka Ndiseng 1, slayer of lions, conqueror of mountains,
who smiled and the moon melted and beautiful maidens swooned. Who
can defeat such a man Twenty? They can't, not even with all
the assistance of their fucking Nagasaki bomb, but, this is not
what I called you in here for.
Twenty: Yes your Excellency.
Ndiseng: I want you to go and write a speech for
me.
Christopher
Mlalazi
chrismlalazi@gmail.com
Studio 9
National Gallery In Bulawayo
75 Main Street
Bulawayo
Zimbabwe
cell: + 263912713004
landline +2630963949
WRITING
AWARDS AND MENTIONS
1.Highly Recommended Citation -2004 Sable Lit (UK) short Story Competition
2. Shortlisted for the 2007 HSBC PEN SOUTH AFRICA WRITING COMPETITION
3. Winner of NAMA 2009 - Best First Creative Published Book.
4. 2009 OXFAM NOVIB PEN FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION AWARD at the Hague
5. Honorable Mention in the 2009 NOMA AWARD FOR BOOK PUBLISHING
IN AFRICA
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