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Excerpt from The Crocodile on the Zambezi
November 20, 2008
Katrina walks in, parading a new African dress. She passes the table
and comes across her speech. She picks it and reads it silently.
She smiles, takes a pen and corrects a word. Then she reads aloud.
Ladies of Africa we should be embarrassed by our sense of fashion.
We should not be embarrassed by the flesh and curves that define
us as African women. There is nothing called extra flesh. There
is nothing called ugly. We are all beautiful in our own ways. I
love my dark, chocolate skin. I dress to complement my skin. I always
try to use my sense of dress to portray the image of a prosperous
and democratic country.
Enter Crocodile. He listens
a bit and then intervenes.
Katrina, you look stunning in that dress. Totally African.
You like it?
I love it. I would have gone crazy for it if my face was on it.
Your face? Don't be silly, I'm your wife. I don't need to
parade your face. Everyone knows you are mine.
(he laughs) You're always wearing these expensive dresses and never
a party one.
Is that a complaint?
You have thousands of dresses and not even one with my face on it.
Not a thousand. Remember I donated more than 500 dresses to charity
It would make me happy to see my face on your chest.
I'm a role model. When I go out people want to see a star, not an
ululating party woman. That is why I dress like this.
Our country needs a mother and not a supermodel.
I take it you are making a formal complaint now.
I'm just wondering that I have seen other women wearing my face
and not my own wife.
Those that do that worship you. I don't. I love you and I wear you
inside my heart. How is my speech? Does it sound like the speech
from a first lady of a prosperous African country?
More like a pan African activist than a first lady.
The fashion congress will be my biggest event to officiate. All
first ladies of Africa will be in attendance.
When the congress happens someone else will be the first lady.
Katrina, I've made up my mind. Tonight I'm telling the world
And us? What about us and what we want?
We've been through this before and my position is clear, Katrina.
Katrina suddenly takes
a paper and throws it at him. He stares at the papers, not sure
what to do.
What's this? Surprise divorce papers?
Read them and find out for yourself.
President picks the paper
and reads from it. He looks shocked.
Katrina, you're pregnant!
What do the papers say?
This is dated three weeks ago. You've been keeping it from me.
I wanted to surprise you tonight. Make it a special night for you.
This is a pleasant surprise. We must celebrate.
He runs around trying
to get drinks.
The doctors say I'm carrying a son. I want him to be born
whilst I'm still this country's first lady.
Six more years. That's all we are asking for.
Don't listen to her. It's time to leave. Age is not
on our side.
Stay out of it, please!
How can I? I'm part of you. Tell her about the insults and the nightmares
Just stay out. I'll handle her.
She is my wife and yes I can handle her.
Suddenly he starts laughing
and Katrina is amazed.
You are talking to yourself.
Welcome to the club, Katrina. You too have tasted the sweet taste
of power. You don't want us go.
How many times should I tell you I am doing this for our children?
I am not doing it for myself.
The kids can grow up anywhere. Look at me. Who can believe I grew
up in the reserves, deep in poverty?
That was then and this is now. I want my son to be born at state
house. That's all.
She turns and storms
out. She can be heard screaming from outside.
You're just being selfish. Selfish, selfish and selfish!
The Crocodile reluctantly
follows Katrina outside. I grabs his potted plant and follows, laughing
and enjoying himself.
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